Monday, May 25, 2009

I'm blogging cause im feeling terribly miserable now.
well, not THAT miserable just yet but almost.

Just sent stef affandy to the airport then went to 85 with swei and the girls. then it struck us (ok though we talked abt it couple of times before) that we are never gonna have that stef-swei-valen 85 nights anymore!! By the time stef comes back here in august, swei wld have gone back singapore for good already. so for the next 1 mth if swei and I make our way down to 85, it'll just be us without stef. sighh.. i miss that girl already. soon, July comes and Shuwei and Minqi will be gone.
then August.. maybe erwin will be gone.
then slowly everyone else will be gone... and i'm gonna be all alone in this lonely place.
valen is gonna be an emo kid who cares just abt going to work and coming back home to sleep.

Monday, May 11, 2009

how do you pretend to stay oblivious to things that happens around you.
I FUCKING HATE LIARS.
I would rather know the truth, even when it hurts.
one lie builds up to more lies.
so then, it becomes so hard for me to even trust you on everything else.
HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU!

im so filled with hatred. my god! then again, I dont find anything wrong with that.
anyone who can tell me that they have never bear any hard feelings on another person...
THAT IS BULLSHIT!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

man.. i'm so sick with the all the dramas.
Maybe this is why I would rather spend my day offs at home watching drama in front of the laptop, at the comfort of my own bed. Unchallenging but I very much prefer it this way.

I have so many complaints about my job. dont get me wrong. I totally love what im doing. but i'm so confused with the people that I work with.

My boss puts in so much expectations in each and everyone of us. which, i totally dont mind. Even though I dont take criticisms very well, I understand that with expectations and critisisms, can I then learn a whole lot more.

My co-workers, I really dont know. Sometimes I feel its better to not do so well (not saying I am doing well. I made lots of mistakes too), lest they feel as though i'm a threat to them. Though I personally have no intention of doing better than them in front of my boss. I just wanna put in my 100% (or even higher) to everything that I do, so I wont dissapoint myself for that matter. I dont wanna seem as though I am being competitive with the rest of the co workers. I am competitive with myself. I gave myself a standard to meet, and am doing the best I can to accomplish that. Sigh, if only things were way more simple. And there's just this someone among us that is being a total stuck up to the boss and wld report to her anything that is being discussed during our lunch break. And it seems like everyone is doubting everyone else. Seriously, who can you trust? I cant even prove myself to them that I am not the one who's doing all these. I feel so goddamn helpless ='( and i dont like to be stuck in this position.

gosh, i'm really praying for happiness, and less drama, on my birthday. I dont need anything else but that.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

thank god. i am far from being an epitome of you.
the truth of the matter is there are beautiful people out there and there are ugly people.
beauty, though subjective, i am not refering to it in its physical form.
and you being who you are, is an epitome of fugs.

man... i believe so much in karma now.
it's scary how I see flashbacks and see pieces of them seemingly familiar to everything that's happening now. oh honey, though i can stupidly admit I totally deserve it, i am not ever gonna make you bring me down like that.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm loving my job more and more as each day pass. It's challenging but that's what makes it worthwhile! wasn't used to working at first. would come home, feeling totally beat up. but it gets better everyday. My eating and sleeping time are more disciplined now. with that said, I've been eating more and sleeping more.

I know this may seem too early for me to realize this. but hanging out with the friends at work, made me realize that material wealth means nothing.. NOTHING! I know dammit! it's so hard to stay away from temptations especially when you're working in a high end retail departmental store. But really, the people you hang out with everyday, shapes you. it's really not about who drives nice cars or who carries the latest trend of handbags anymore. It's all about you staying true to your ownself. I love my co workers. they're a bunch of fun individuals who bitches non stop about the manager. I think working is fun cause then we get to also gossip about everyone else in the other departments. HAHA!

OMG! i have to share this. The company made us watch videos of shoplifters during the computer based workshop I had on my 2nd day. Most shoplifters are Asians, with minority of Blacks. and they said people shoplifts because of pressure that they get from the society. When i was watching the whole video, i was so scared I kept thinking 'I hope I don't see anyone I know'.. you know you'll never know cause everyone (typically the indos. no offence) carry IT bags. and the girls tend to feel the 'need' to carry IT bags to be on par with their friends. So i was really hoping I wont see anyone I recognized. thank god for that I didn't. allelujahhh!! some surprising stats, 1 out of 11 americans shoplifts. and I watched less than 10 shoplifting cases.. so who knows, there is someone I might know if I watch through ALL the videos. not sth that im hoping to see.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Mr. Thomas Lim aka Shuwei's dad (if Aunty Pauline Tan sees this, i die liao) piece of advice:
" don't be naive to think a man will love you forever. You loving a man is your biggest mistake"

this must have been the best advice I've heard thus far. I love both Uncle and Aunty LIM :D

NO ONE believes I can save money once I start working.
NO ONE believes I can be dependant on the public transport to take me to work.
and all these NO ONEs are actually my friends. I don't know whether its better to have friends who can support you and tell you that they believe in you even if they think it's hard to believe so. or friends that tell you straight to your face you ain't gonna make it. Apparently all my friends are the latter one.

Work starts next week! i have very mixed feelings about it. like mostly excitement but there's still some part of me that feels unprepared. its gonna be me first official full time job ever! what ifs my boss hates me? what ifs my co workers hate me and give me a hell of a time at work. what ifs..

Thursday, March 05, 2009

just got this out from shuwei's blog

she's so sick and miserable, i still made jokes out of her.

@ UCLA Medical Center:
we couldnt stop laughing for a good whole 20 minutes.

#1
-stares at valen's wrist band that has her name, date of birth on it-
me: you know what is this for, this is so that when you faint or die, they will still be able to identify you like "oh this is Ms Tjitra" cause you know, when you faint or die, you cant obviously tell them who you are right. so this is to ensure, they can still identify you when you die
-valen stares and laugh out loud-
valen: "heeheee, this looks like when you go clubbing, the bouncer will give you this tag, so that the bartender knows you're 21 and can serve you alcohol. heeehee never go clubbing so i come hospital get this tag"
me: no, this is so that when you die, they know who you are. with that said, i can leave you dying here. bye.

#2
doctor: have you been trying to hurt yourself or has anyone threaten to hurt you ?
valen: no
me: -control laughters, look away-

the moment we got out of the room, we just burst out laughing. seriously, when the doctor said that, i should have rolled up my sleeves and showed the doctor that BLUE BLACK BITE MARK i have on my arm ! bitten by that emotional distress valen ! if only the doctor phrased her question as "have you tried to hurt anyone ?" i confirm chomp stamp answer "OMG DOC, YES SAVE ME".

#3
from the moment i picked valen up, all the way to the hospital, she kept having the urge to puke. its those sudden Puking Sensation that comes, and she has to go "eeeeeeuuuuuuaaaaeeeehhhh" into the plastic bag. poor girl. so she was having those Puking Sensation all the while and the doc was facing the computer, while valen was sitting at her back. and when valen had that "Eeeeeuuuaaaehhh" sound, the doc turned around and went "so, whats the color of the vomit ?" and valen showed her an empty Bucket with no puke. seriously, everything that happened in the room was so Serious but the moment we sat down in the waiting room, we kept laughing and joking about it. valen's Non-stop puking sensation afterwards was led by fits of laughter cause i would be going "so whats the color of your puke ?" even though i know she puked nothing out.

i cant believe she stayed in the hospital till 6pm ! we were there since 1030am i guess ! gosh, talk about Efficiency ! but then, as long as Ms Tjitra is Healthy and Happy, its all good.
GET WELL SOON my dearest friend. when you're better, we shall FEAST okay ? compensate those days of not eating.. and puking.

THANK YOU FRIEND. AFTER MAKING FUN OF ME, YOU TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. it aint working girl.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

yesterday tried something new in life.
got admitted to UCLA Emergency Medical Center. haha! sounded real emergency but when i went in there and had this girl screaming non stop, it was like "okay i think i got admitted to the wrong department".

Had been feeling very nauseous for the past 1 week plus, almost 2. then started vomitting for the past 4 days. couldn't eat anything much... basically vomit liquid before eating. and as soon as i put food inside my mouth, i'll vomit them out. But yesterday morning was so bad, I just cant stop vomitting (though really, i vomitted nothing) and I felt so painful. chest was in pain and the brain felt so suffocated like as though there wasnt air flowing inside my brain. the pain was throbbing.

so anw, shuwei sent me to the hospital and left soon after erwin arrived. she had class.
seriously dude, never bring shuwei to the hospital, she cracks you up. you can be induced to vomitting one moment and started laughing at another moment. and she makes fun of everyone and everything. tt girl is TERRIBLE!

had Intravenous therapy (aka IV drips) for 5 hours i think? my body was dehydrated. and they also injected anti nausea drips into my veins.. so sat there for so long and got discharged in the evening. Didnt eat anything for the whole day, erwin didnt eat anything either. I dont think they diagnose me with anything but was told to get back if my dirrhea had blood in them (thank god there wasnt today!) and if I still continue to vomit. Still feel a little nausea today. I wld stop eating as soon as I know something is gg to go wrong... but head still throbbing pain. know what, i think the head part... someone might be voodoo-ing me.


but thank you though. for all the calls and messages received. really felt the love...
Jane for covering my work at the bakery on sunday when I felt so sick. I was sleeping in the store room and that girl came to help me as soon as she was done with work. and I know she was tired from her work too.
Shuwei for everything, you know la.. you're always there for me. that's why i secretely think you're my secret lourvaaaa.
Erwin for accompanying me through the long hours in hospital despite...
and I realize the people who say the most, who nagged and who just annoy me at times, are the people who care for me most. something that I've learnt along the way. and to the someone that I've been so hard on, Im sorry. the more you care for someone, the more harsh you'll be to. and when you have such close encounter with death (haha! seriously, i felt as though i was gonna die yesterday morning. and that if I really am dying, swei and erwin were the last 2 that I can see before I die. how sad), everything just flashes back when I was lying down at the hospital bed and I found out that I have had so many regrets.